Taxes, toothache, and colonoscopies

17 04 2007

Fictional alien heroes don’t have to worry about taxes, toothache, and scheduling colonoscopies.

I wonder if they should?

Nah! We don’t read Romance for everyday –or even annual– unpleasantnesses. We want escapism. But on the other hand….

Toothache would be an interesting twist in a vampire romance… I’ve suggested this to vamp-writing friends in the past. For myself, I don’t write about vampires. If I did, no doubt I’d be looking for horrible humor.

Imagine if a vampire went to a normal dentist! My dentist happens to be an attractive female. One could do quite a good riff on Red Riding Hood, with the big bad wolf (vampire) in the chair. The problem for the vampire is that it’s really hard to lunge from a reclining position. I suppose dentists’ chairs are a struggle to rise from for a good reason!

Usually, I suppose, one thinks of mad King Ludwig of Bavaria who did not go to the dentist, who had rotten teeth, and who may have been driven mad by his own dental pain. A vampire who needed a root filling in his canines would probably seek out softer food.

Taxes ought to be an issue in an Empire, oughtn’t they. In my Gods of Tigron trilogy, so far I haven’t dealt with monetary tribute. Virgins are sent to the Royal Side of the planet (which is really a moon) for the amusement of the Imperial family, which is a bit like the Graeco-Roman mythological habit of staking out virgins to appease ravenging dragons and sea monsters.

Colonoscopies…. Torture springs to mind, not to mention ritual humiliation.

On that happy thought, I’m diving back into preparing my handouts for the Romantic Times workshops, (I’m speaking on Swordsmen, Research, and newsletters) and also into arranging drive-by signings at Barnes and Noble stores as I pass through Fort Wayne, Avon Commons (Indianapolis), and points south on my way to Houston for the convention next week (April 22nd through 30th).

Best wishes,

<a href=””>Rowena Cherry</a>




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